Years ago Dennis told me, "Too many people get caught up in the importance of positions and callings in the church. They think their value is measured by the importance and power of their callings. They don't get it. God's eternal family is what matters. The church is here to help us get back to our eternal family. The priesthood is here to serve and help in that effort. When you see Jesus using his priesthood power, it is in service to others. You see him loving, caring, healing and teaching them what they need to do to return to their Father in Heaven". The priesthood doesn't have a monopoly on loving and caring and teaching and healing.
Why be jealous of the priesthood? My personal feeling is that It's in God's design for men and women to be different. That way it takes two different halves to make a whole. Eternal marriage makes even more sense with that understanding. My husband has always put The Lord first and by doing that, puts me and our children before himself. He's a good example of honesty and service.

This was my response and feelings about a current topic in the news. Let me use another analogy:  professional athletes such as basketball players and soccer players are professional  athletes because they have fine tuned physical skills and are more athletically talented than most of the rest of us. That is why I am so skeptical when a leg accidentally flys out to trip another player or an elbow accidentally flys into someone's eye. That is why I am also skeptical when a women's rights attorney who is expert at crafting words and expert at getting sympathy and trying things in the court of public opinion acts like she loves the church with her words while she twists daggers into it with her actions. "By their fruits ye shall know them". I believe she has her own agenda and that agenda isn't out of love for the savior. She seems to love attention and power and controlling others. I won't use her name. I was listening to a song today..."and give all the glory to me. Give it to me". A far cry from the humility of our church leaders who don't seek power and dominion, but serve with love. They are deeply humbled at the responsibility and workload of their callings and responsibilities. I think we should be suspicious of anyone seeking power and dominion over us.

A relative of my daughter in law was a newspaper co-worker of Thomas S. Monson many years ago and saw him when he returned from a meeting at church headquarters. He noticed T. S. Monson was very pale and shakey and looked sick. He asked him, "What's the matter Tom? Did they call you to the twelve apostles or something"?

There's a discussion that needs to take place, but how do I bring it up? What does Dennis want to see with our family after he's gone? He's always been a hard worker and now he has feelings of worthlessness. He still tries to help me, though the simplest tasks cause him to be exhausted. He's so apologetic about getting sick. He's realistic about what we are facing. He's searching his soul about whether to do the last two chemos. It seems he's afraid to talk about the distant future, that he's imposing on me by being sick. I will continue to assure him that I want to be here with him and for him. I'm in it for the long haul and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I want him to express his wishes about the future.

I've tried to do some research about signet ring cell linitis plastica. They tested samples of the tumors and told us it is not the genetic form of the disease. The good news is that our children don't have to worry about inheriting it or the associated lobular breast carcinoma. The bad news is that while the genetic form responds fairly well to treatment, the environmental form does not. It is very aggressive. It can cause many problems besides problems with eating and digestion. It can cause bowel blockage requiring surgery or radiation. It can stiffen and inflame the lining around the heart and cause cardiac tamponade. It can cross over into cerebral spinal fluid and affect the brain, causing Alzheimer's or stroke symptoms. Dennis' blood is so thin that it's crazy that he got a DVT. The oncologist said this was a complication from the cancer and no one can guess the next crisis we will face.

Approximately 25,000 people per year in the U.S. Get gastric cancer. About 2,500 get linitis plastica. Of those, 51% have the genetic form, so about 1,200 have the environmental form. Of those, most are Asian and most of those were born in an Asian country, with Japan and Korea having the highest incidence. Most of the victims are women. They don't know what causes it in a white male born in the U.S. He has traveled to Japan (no sushi in Japan), Brazil and Mexico.

We are blessed that Dennis has medical insurance and that they have been very good to us. July 1st we start all over with deductibles and out-of-pocket. Everything is so expensive. We are grateful for "Cowboys for Cancer". They sent us a financial grant that helped us get caught up to date with our medical bills.

I saw Sandy Owens at the grocery store. I truly believe she knows what I am going through, as we talked and cried together...only she's been going through this for over 4 1/2 years. I have much to learn from her.

As the days passed, Dennis got sicker. Aimee came to help for the week. She is such a wonderful daughter. We were supposed to help Paul and Kyla move to Tennessee but we postponed the trip one week. Even then it was doubtful he would be able to travel. I arranged for wheelchair assistance and he didn't argue.  A little boy at the airport asked him what was wrong - why he wore a mask. He explained he was sick and the mask protected him from germs. Many people stared at us...Dennis with a mask and me pushing a wheelchair (at Detroit the chair didn't come with a person to help).

At Paul's, he felt a little better each day. Before traveling he had injured his thigh, but it appeared ok, but sore. His leg would swell a little but then go down at night. Then one day it didn't look right and the swelling didn't go down. Paul and I were worried about DVT but Dennis declined having me take him to the hospital. Dennis knew this would be the last time he would see Paul. Paul was starting a 6 year residency the end of June and there would be no time off for several years. Kara was driving 8 1/2 hours to bring her kids to see him and to make some memories. We haven't seen those grand kids in a long time. It might be the last time he sees Kara. He always put his kids first.  What would you choose if you knew you would never see your kids or grand kids again in this life?  There were many tears shed at good bye.

We should have insisted on a hospital visit as his leg got worse and he got a P E. He was finally ready to go to the hospital. We spent the night at the hospital so we wouldn't miss time with the kids. The ER doctor allowed us to do the Lovenox shots, but the male nurse became very alarmed when Dennis said we should just give them in the I.V. They had started. Dennis protects his chemo port.
Dennis told me, " I can't travel anymore when I'm on chemo. It's too hard.

Paul's home teacher trained at Cleveland Clinic and recently came to Rock Springs to practice. He's a gentle giant at 6'11". He told me of an old conference talk where the authority described terminal cancer as a disease of love, going on to explain that it allows families to grow stronger and to prepare and say their goodbyes. When Duella died, I discovered it was a privilege, not a burden. The Lord was preparing me. It's been an amazing 38 years.

It was a treasure to watch and hold and love our grandchildren. They were so cute and played well together. Colby (3 years old) scraped his leg and said to Lydia (2), "Come give me some feel better". Lydia kissed the scrape twice and Colby said, "Ahhhh, you love me"!

Tennessee is beautiful. The streets are narrow. Traffic goes about 15-20 mph above the speed limit on the freeway during daylight. The people we met were nice. Paul and Kyla were amazing to us as was Kara and her family. It was hard saying good bye to our loved ones.

Dennis was in a lot of pain traveling home and for almost another week.

The next chemo seemed to be a little better. He kept his potassium and hydration better. He has been able to eat better. He's still very tired.

Justin has become an accomplished cook and he made several meals for us. He spent all day cleaning when we were away for chemo. I don't know what I would do without my kids. They have been a source of help and strength. The bonus is that they come with cute grand kids whom I love dearly and whom I pray for daily. Each one has unique talents and a unique personality.